Unbelievable

I'm trying to find words to convey my thoughts on the last year of my life, her life. There aren't really words to describe it. And saying "there aren't words," though cliche, pretty much sums up how I feel.

My baby turns one today.

Too often I've relived the events of last year in my head. I think, "At this point I was only four months," Or I would I enter whatever number of months I was at that point in time. Early on I would say, "I wasn't even pregnant yet." Last night I was thinking how a year ago we were eating at the Olive Garden, how I lived my last free weekend and how in the middle of my sleep I was interrupted by a need to pee only to find a surprise in the toilet, signaling she would be making her way soon.

Too often I've thought about my labor and her delivery. In my head and the way I tell the story to others, it's as if I'm the only woman to have ever given birth. And maybe the reason I love telling the story or rethinking it at least to myself (I can only share the story one so many times with people) is because it was a special shared moment just between me and the girl. Ok, sure, the room was filled with nurses, the doctor and even her father, but no one else in the room was experiencing the struggle of this life-changing experience: Me, giving birth for the first time ever, and her, being born.

And now here she is, turning the big ONE! I remember holding her in my arms on her birthday and wondering how I would ever make it to her first birthday. Still to this day, number 366, I wonder how I made it. There's been so many trials, tribulations, annoyances, fumbles and yet we made it together, both somewhat in tact.

Along with the bad, came so much good. I've been able to experience this little beauty every day! She's the reason I've smiled so much in the last year. She's been the best sitcom, best drama, best action film of the year! I remember when she was a newborn and my mom asked me, "Do you ever get tired of looking at her?" Without hesitation I answered no and still to this day she's a feast for the eyes. I never tire looking at the curves of her face, the twinkle in her eyes, the dimples in her elbows, or her teeny, tiny feet and hands. She's my precious Lucero, the one person on the planet I do not hesitate to smother with affection.

Happy Birthday, Lucero. I love you more than you'll ever know.